I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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