i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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