mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
