I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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