Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
