so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
