Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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