I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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