I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
