First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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