He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
