the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
