So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
