its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
