Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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