I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
