Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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