Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
