i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
