I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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