She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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