Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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