70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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