I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
