call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
