I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
