I seem to have left my pride at pride
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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