How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's rum buckets o'clock
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize