I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
