Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
