You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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