We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
