It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
