So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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