i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
