So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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