i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
