so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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