you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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