Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
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