even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
