the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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