Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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