I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
