I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
