one might say we're banned from that church
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
