feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
