whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
