are you still at the devil's house?
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
