Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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